Candice Comments about the Change from Taking ECE Classes at North

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North Seattle Community College

Early Childhood Education

Candice Hoyt's Story of Change

On Saturday, Nov. 15, I experienced the best possible example of how valuable these classes have been to me.

For 11 months, I nannied full-time, 50 hours per week, for a family with three young children: Sophie (4), Anthony (3) and Thomas (born in my 2nd month working). I left them in February, only 8 months ago, but it feels like a lifetime. I was such a different person then, and so much has changed me in the last few months.

My stress level was very high when I worked with them. It took me an hour to commute each way to and from work in the nasty traffic. I spent most of the day rushing to meet the next scheduled activity, with Gymboree, preschool and play dates. If the kids weren’t home, they were bored. The two preschoolers fought constantly and violently. Thomas got little attention since he was a very quiet baby. I spent all my time driving them or telling them to “stop!” their fighting.

Sophie and I started out well. We had fun together, and she was happy to see me in the morning. Gradually she became more and more resentful of my strict rules and attempts to control her, using her family’s “time out” consequences. I always knew it wasn’t working, but I didn’t know what else to try. It was difficult for me to ignore her behavior when she would whack Anthony with something, because Anthony would tell me and say “Mommy says we have to have a time out if we hit.”

By the end of my 11 months, I felt as though every interaction between Sophie and me was a reprimand. We had lost much respect for one another, and both of us were very hostile toward one another. I was literally screaming at Sophie and Anthony at least once a day. I had always prided myself as having an abundance of patience with children; suddenly I had none at all. Sophie and I especially knew just what buttons to push in one another, and we battled constantly for the Power in the relationship, never working together toward the same goal.

I knew what a problem this was, and I felt guilty every day. I tried to find ways to snap myself out of this negative spiral, but I didn’t know how. I knew that, at the least, I was not giving Sophie (and her brothers, through the effects on their environment) the loving, nurturing care she deserved. Regardless of how difficult a child is, I have always believed they should be shown that they are loved. I cared enough about her to recognize I wasn’t able to communicate that to her, being overwhelmed by the power struggle between Sophie and me and my own mood problems stemming from too many hours away from my home life. I felt guilty and depressed that I wasn’t giving enough to Sophie, to her brothers, to my then-fiancé, or to myself. I quit the job and have been working part time ever since.

I was married in May, and in September, I began my Early Childhood Education classes, and the timing is definitely right. I had already begun to learn much about myself since leaving the full-time nanny job with Sophie and her brothers. I still see them once in a while to baby-sit (less than once a month), but until this last Saturday, I hadn’t been able to improve my relationship with Sophie. She had met everything I attempted with screaming and defiance.

Saturday was the first day I saw them since beginning my classes, and the change was remarkable.

The only thing I changed within myself and my communications with her was to be positive. I stopped rating every action as bad or good, and simply attended to the positive things and ignored the negative things.

Sophie talked more and more excitedly to me within the first ten minutes than she had in hours together, before.

I smiled more in those ten minutes than I had in hours before. We found out how to show each other our love and respect.

We played upstairs, played Monopoly, watched Mr. Rogers, made pizza and popcorn, and did some crafts.

Sophie and Anthony didn’t begin to go to bed until 9:15 pm (about an hour late), but it wasn’t because Sophie was screaming and kicking the wall for an hour, which was the usual for us.

It was because we were all having so much fun together we lost track of time!

Somewhere in the middle of this, eating popcorn while waiting for our pizza to cook, Sophie looked over at me and smiled.

She said, “We’re having a good night,” simply, matter-of-factly, and I felt it.

She meant we were having fun, and I knew that it meant more than that to both of us, that we had come so far together in such a short, simple evening of being nice to and enjoying one another.

I called my husband as I was leaving, to let him know I was on my way. I added, “We had such a great time!” I started to explain my feeling – that I had, in one night, begun to redeem myself for all of my failures with Sophie – and I had to stop. I was beginning to feel it again, and the joy of it – the relief – brought tears to my eyes.

I already knew how much I was learning. I had already told countless people how valuable these classes were to me. I also know that my emotional/psychological improvements are definitely a help, but this was the first time I felt real, tangible results. For the first time since leaving this job, I saw my path swerve away from the downward spiral it had been in, and I cannot explain the feeling of power and confidence it left me.


On Saturday, Nov. 15, I experienced the best possible example of how valuable these classes have been to me. For 11 months, I nannied full-time, 50 hours per week, for a family with three young children: Sophie (4), Anthony (3) and Thomas (born in my 2nd month working). I left them in February, only 8 months ago, but it feels like a lifetime. I was such a different person then, and so much has changed me in the last few months. My stress level was very high when I worked with them. It took me an hour to commute each way to and from work in the nasty traffic. I spent most of the day rushing to meet the next scheduled activity, with Gymboree, preschool and play dates. If the kids weren’t home, they were bored. The two preschoolers fought constantly and violently. Thomas got little attention since he was a very quiet baby. I spent all my time driving them or telling them to “stop!” their fighting. Sophie and I started out well. We had fun together, and she was happy to see me in the morning. Gradually she became more and more resentful of my strict rules and attempts to control her, using her family’s “time out” consequences. I always knew it wasn’t working, but I didn’t know what else to try. It was difficult for me to ignore her behavior when she would whack Anthony with something, because Anthony would tell me and say “Mommy says we have to have a time out if we hit.” By the end of my 11 months, I felt as though every interaction between Sophie and me was a reprimand. We had lost much respect for one another, and both of us were very hostile toward one another. I was literally screaming at Sophie and Anthony at least once a day. I had always prided myself as having an abundance of patience with children; suddenly I had none at all. Sophie and I especially knew just what buttons to push in one another, and we battled constantly for the Power in the relationship, never working together toward the same goal. I knew what a problem this was, and I felt guilty every day. I tried to find ways to snap myself out of this negative spiral, but I didn’t know how. I knew that, at the least, I was not giving Sophie (and her brothers, through the effects on their environment) the loving, nurturing care she deserved. Regardless of how difficult a child is, I have always believed they should be shown that they are loved. I cared enough about her to recognize I wasn’t able to communicate that to her, being overwhelmed by the power struggle between Sophie and me and my own mood problems stemming from too many hours away from my home life. I felt guilty and depressed that I wasn’t giving enough to Sophie, to her brothers, to my then-fiancé, or to myself. I quit the job and have been working part time ever since. I was married in May, and in September, I began my Early Childhood Education classes, and the timing is definitely right. I had already begun to learn much about myself since leaving the full-time nanny job with Sophie and her brothers. I still see them once in a while to baby-sit (less than once a month), but until this last Saturday, I hadn’t been able to improve my relationship with Sophie. She had met everything I attempted with screaming and defiance.
		Saturday was the first day I saw them since beginning my classes, and the change was remarkable. The only thing I changed within myself and my communications with her was to be positive. I stopped rating every action as bad or good, and simply attended to the positive things and ignored the negative things. Sophie talked more and more excitedly to me within the first ten minutes than she had in hours together, before. I smiled more in those ten minutes than I had in hours before. We found out how to show each other our love and respect.
		We played upstairs, played Monopoly, watched Mr. Rogers, made pizza and popcorn, and did some crafts. Sophie and Anthony didn’t begin to go to bed until 9:15 pm (about an hour late), but it wasn’t because Sophie was screaming and kicking the wall for an hour, which was the usual for us. It was because we were all having so much fun together we lost track of time!
		Somewhere in the middle of this, eating popcorn while waiting for our pizza to cook, Sophie looked over at me and smiled. She said, “We’re having a good night,” simply, matter-of-factly, and I felt it. She meant we were having fun, and I knew that it meant more than that to both of us, that we had come so far together in such a short, simple evening of being nice to and enjoying one another.
I called my husband as I was leaving, to let him know I was on my way. I added, “We had such a great time!” I started to explain my feeling – that I had, in one night, begun to redeem myself for all of my failures with Sophie – and I had to stop. I was beginning to feel it again, and the joy of it – the relief – brought tears to my eyes. I already knew how much I was learning. I had already told countless people how valuable these classes were to me. I also know that my emotional/psychological improvements are definitely a help, but this was the first time I felt real, tangible results. For the first time since leaving this job, I saw my path swerve away from the downward spiral it had been in, and I cannot explain the feeling of power and confidence it left me.